Moving Forward

It started with minimizing my experience

Then it turned into my fault Then there was shame deeper than I have ever been able to get to the bottom of Where is my innocence in any of it? How am I not to blame? Why would I let those things happen to me? How could I carry on the next day? Get dressed, go to breakfast

Talk to the girls Hope nobody recognizes me I wonder why I lied so much? My heart felt different than the words I spoke My heart felt heavy But a time comes Where I begin to feel angry Angry at the people Who took advantage of me Who were violent towards me Angry at myself For letting these people

For letting myself Steep me in shame For this many years Angry at the lies we’ve been told About what makes a man And what makes a woman Angry that I was not angrier How could I have believed it? I can empathize with that younger version of myself But empathy without boundaries Is self destruction As I think back on a previous me And reconstruct the movie of my life From dirty film memories I stay far enough a way From a place of “I know myself” As I am in this moment And look back with love, With nonattachment And simply speak up next time And every time Moving forward

No more shame.